i think my tv is drunk
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Randomize
