i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
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