I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Randomize
