you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
