Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
