one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
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