In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Randomize
