would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
