It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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