I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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