omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Randomize
