We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Tell her she can't have a vagina
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
