So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
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