Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Randomize