hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
