there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm đđ»đ
We are so blessed
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaidâs vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying âFUCK YOUâ to all my spam emails. Canât tell you how excited I am
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Randomize
