do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
