she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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