On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
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