i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Randomize
