What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
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