am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of j�ger and an empty bed here Friday.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
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