Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
