he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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