I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
is that a dick in a sweater?
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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