I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
