I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
The Olympian is in my bed
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