So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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