and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
It's blow job season.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
