your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Randomize
