I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
