Fine. I'll sleep in my office
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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