Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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