we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
