It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
I want a musical about memes.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
