Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
