the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
