How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
