If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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