Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Randomize
