Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
