Are we in a gay sports bar?
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Then you guys just all showered together...?
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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