home. puking in laundry basket.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
