i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
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