youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
