she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
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