First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
I forgot how hot balto sounded
it glows. i had to have it.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Randomize
