I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
