My hand turned me down
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Randomize
