we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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