So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
